Week Three

Week three has officially hit, and so many emotions are on the surface. I wonder when I will get through the week marker and not just feel empty inside. It isn't like I even woke up and then later I remembered, I just woke up exhausted, and my brain didn't work. It is like my body knows, and feels like I did on Wed. July 28th.

I have talked with a few people who either have or are now experiencing the same thing, and my heart hurts for them too. You never really know how bad it hurts. You are so sad for those who loose a parent, but until you ave gone through it, you just never know the pain your body feels.

I know that I will never feel the same again. I know that I will always want to talk to him. I know that he will always be here for me. But the part that gets me is that he won't be here for all the things he is supposed to be at. He is supposed to be here for Mason's baptism. I was supposed to call him today and tell him how scouts went. He is supposed to be here for their Eagle, missions, weddings, to brag about their sports to him, and for their kids. And that part kills me.

I just plain miss him. I miss him calling me KT, I miss him drinking my water before I have any, I miss fork fighting over desserts while sitting on the couch. I miss the way he made my kids feel so loved and special. I wish I wouldn't have yelled at him for telling my kids they could be done with their food, even though I disagreed. He was their Grandpa and he loves them, and still does.

And this is for the boys.

Boys don't forget the fun things he did with you. The scouting for deer, the four wheeler rides, & the endless amount of treats. Remember how when he walked in the door he said "Theres Grandpa's boys!", "Grandpa sure missed his boys!" Or how whenever you cried he blamed it on me by saying "Did mama do it?" Oh how that made me mad, but I wish he was here do say it again. He read story upon story to you on the couch, played for hours outside with you. Whenever you asked for a tractor or a four wheeler ride, he rarely said no. He was the most amazing Grandpa. He would do anything for you at anytime. He is up there watching everything you do. Make him proud. And do what you have to do to live with him again, be your best, try your hardest, and live your life to the fullest. He sure did and wouldn't want it any other way.