I have been trying so hard to be positive lately, and to keep my cool with the boys, but today I snapped. I have really tried to be the fun mom this summer, that I rarely am, and I am done! Mean mom has entered the building, and unless things change she is here to stay. I am truly tired of making fun plans for us all, and having no help on the things I need done. I am not trying to say that my 7, 6, 3, and 1 yr olds need to do heavy cleaning, and have major responsibilities, but what I am saying is that I expect a little help around here if I am expected to entertain them. For example this week we have already gone swimming one day, and I took them to the go see Diary of a Wimpy Kid with Grandma yesterday. And today we were supposed to go to the Rec. Center and swim, but I lost it before that could happen. I just ask that they pick up after themselves, by cleaning their room, picking up their dirty clothes, and cleaning up their toys. I mean really am I being unreasonable? I feel like I am trying to teach them something by having them be responsible for their stuff, but in all actuality it would be easier to just do it myself, then I wouldn't have to yell and fight them so much. Plus I think if they have to clean it up themselves they are more likely to not as big of a mess.
I need advice, I need to fix this so badly so there is less contention in my home. This isn't how I want it to be. I would love to be the great and calm mother that smiles and bakes cookies all time, who takes them to the park more than one a week, takes them swimming, or lets them have friends over. But as of now I that isn't me, and unless there is a major change it never will be, so please help me!
6 comments:
I'm not a Mom or anything, but I think that it's just overwhelming because they are so close together in age, and there are FOUR of them for goodness sakes! I think you are doing a great job. As for contention, I'm sure you already do this, but saying family prayers together at night before bed, I'm sure is a good thing. I know that when I don't say my prayers, I am a Witch with a B. I also know that if my ward misses out on ward prayer on sundays, no one sees each other for a week, and responsibility starts to dwindle.
Love you!
Shelby
Breathe! Breathe! Here's what I do: I ask them very calmly to pick up their things. They have about 5 minutes to complete the task. Anything left out after that time gets thrown away. AND I MEAN IT! I tell them that if we have so much stuff that we can't take care of it, then it's too much. There are no give backs, there are no hiding them and giving them back, they are GONE!! This is our rule every night before bed...clean up or out it goes. Now in all reality, I do donate it, but it DOES NOT COME BACK TO OUR HOUSE! It only takes one or two times for them to get that you are serious and YES I did get rid of some nice expensive things that I really wanted to keep, but the lesson was well worth it. This way I don't yell, I don't get frustrated and I don't have to pick it up again if it's gone. If they are mad, I tell them that it was their choice and that next time they will make a better choice.
I am with Ali. It is all about choices and consequences. You know I did the same thing with you kids. If they didn't care enough about it to put it away, they didn't have it anymore! Prayer is great too, but you guys know, cause you do all that! Kids do fight and go through their NAUGHTY stages. Morgan, clean up your room!
This is how it works in our house. Each child has a chore chart on the fridge. For the ones who can't read, I put in clip art pictures. Everyday they can't watch tv or play video games (in our case it's the Wii) until their chores are done. They have about 4-5 chores to do each day. When they are in school homework is one of the chores. They also each have a jar for marbles. When they do a chore, they put a marble in the jar. When the jar is full they get paid $5. The only way this works is by being consistent. Andrew likes to play in his room instead of cleaning. After an hour or so of that I go in and calmly tell him that his has 15 min to clean it up. Whatever isn't put away after 15 min will become mine for 2 days at which point he will get those toys back and he can try again. We really try to set reasonable expectations and then follow through. It's work up front, but once it becomes a habit they know they just need to do it. Plus they get paid and get lessons in money (tithing, saving spending, etc.) It's worked really well for us.
-Jeanette
Yeah let me know what works for you and I can learn from your experience...you are a great mom! And you have good kids, but having good kids all together all the time during the summer can be tough. Keep at it, the allowance thing sounds like a good idea, maybe just alter it with what other people have suggested. Good luck, I will be back next week and you can vent. love ya
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