Three Months

(Dad as Brigham Young in the New Harmony play)

Three months has come and gone, and I must say it hasn't gotten much easier. I have noticed little blessings where my dad has been here with me. For example I was set apart at church last week for my new calling and I felt his spirit so strong, I know he was there with me, and is here to help me whenever I need him.

I also had a dream about him one night, and I didn't see his face or anything, but I called his phone and got his voice mail. Since the accident I have just wanted to hear his voice, and remember him, and I got that. I am so grateful for that.

Chris went hunting and when we went scouting for deer, he brought up some stories from their last hunting trip, and I cried. Not because I was sad he was talking about him, but because I was thankful for the relationship they had. He has so many of the same qualities as my dad, and it makes me happy, because I can remember him more.

Also on October 20th we celebrated dad's 61st birthday, it was a hard day. But I really enjoyed celebrating his life with my boys. We had one of his favorite dinners steak and baked potatoes. I also made a lemon glaze cake, which was another one of his favorites. We all shared our favorite memories, and talked about the silly things he said and did. We tried not to make it mushy and sad, because that isn't what he would want us to do.

I understand that these were just the first of many firsts, and I know they are going to be hard. But I know that with faith and understanding we can get through them. I have hope that the days will get easier, and that the months will get shorter.

I really miss seeing him on Sundays and I am broken hearted for my mother. I wish my kids could have known him better, but if I share everything I know with them, they too will know him as I do. How I wish I could have him back. It is going to seem like forever until I see him again, and part of me hopes it is. I hope I don't have to leave my kids before they are ready to have me gone, because I wasn't ready to loose him and I don't want them to ever feel this way about Chris or me.

I love you daddy! I can't wait to see you again!